When the Connolly family moved from Edinburgh, Scotland to Fresno, Fresno immediately became a better place and Edinburgh has never recovered. I can honestly say that Tom Connolly made my early years tolerable and entertaining! There were numerous times when I was feeling down for a variety of reasons and just being around him was a breath of fresh air. To this day, I've never met a person with a better sense of humor or who cared about his friends more than Tom. I've always appreciated his honesty and sincerity. The following experiences always make me smile and laugh. In fact, I share them with others to this day...
* Tom's family was always very kind to me and I really enjoyed going to his house. His dad was one of the funniest people I've ever met. For example, one time his dad was driving us somewhere and saw a very fat woman waddling down the sidewalk. He said she "looked like 100 lbs of jello in a 50 lb bag"! I use that line to this day! He took us to the horse races a couple of times, I remember falling asleep on a bench. We were in the garage once and he asked me to hand him a "torch". I didn't know what he was talking about! Did he mean blow torch? Who uses a torch? He wanted a flashlight. He thought that was pretty funny! The first time I went to their house, his mom asked me if I wanted a "biscuit". I'd never been offered a biscuit but thought it sounded OK. She brought me a little plate of cookies. I thought that was pretty cool. His sisters, Ann & Louise were always nice as well. I can remember Tom yelling at Louise to shut up their dog, Sammy:)
* The family was hooked on Happy Days and Solid Gold. His dad used to call us into the TV room to check out the Solid Gold dancers. I thought that was hilarious! One time Tom and I were hanging out on our favorite "tanning spot", our thermo nuclear hot roof. We'd managed to get Toms current "dream girl, Kelly F., over to hang out with us. He was rubbing tanning lotion on her shoulders and had a smile a mile wide when he looked at his watch and said "DAMN, I've got to go! Happy Days is on!" He quickly hopped back into the house, threw his shirt on and left! Leaving Kelly confused and me laughing hysterically!
* Tom went through a stage where he had the hots for stoner chicks, or as he called them, "ZZ Top girls!"
* Tom loved to show me British newspapers with crazy pictures from soccer riots! I remember one pic of a girl with a lawn dart stuck in the side of her head! He told me the hooligans would chuck "missiles" i.e. broken beer bottles, lawn darts, etc at their rivals! Crazy!! I think the first day I met Tom (outside McClane's locker room if I remember right) he was wearing a soccer jersey and some snug pants that would've been styling in Edinburgh (but not Fresno).
* Tom always had a love of cars and scooters that apparently afflicts him to this day! We had many a good time tooling around in his Corvair! We'd go to "Dicks" for cheap hamburgers, or go "hang out" on the backside of the airport.
* Tom used to make really cool album covers for our imaginary band "The SKAT Team". SKAT was an acronym for something, I can't remember what though. It had a real "Rude Boy", "Ska" flavor to it. He'd make up some pretty funny song titles on the back. I remember one was "Cuba, a Romantic Country"!
* Tom went on a church sponsored "father/ son camp out" with us once. We rode up the mountain Smart family style, in the back of Dad's pick- up truck. We were hiking in the woods one afternoon and he got pissed when one of the Halverson kids threw a rock at him, so he started rifling rocks back as hard as he could. Brother Halverson complained to dad, who really didn't give a "you know what"! I remember dad felt good when Tom complimented his chili. Tom told jokes and made funny comments in the tent all night, that was one of the best camping trips I remember.
* If you looked up "Kraftwerk" in the encyclopedia you'd see a picture of Tom. Tom is a music FREAK and has pretty good taste. Variety is his middle name! Once flew on a plane with a very fat, sweaty "Buster Bloodvessel" from the Ska band Bad Manners, I was impressed by the story!
* We egged and TP'd many a house back in the day (I'm not proud) and only got caught once! We egged the hell out of some pseudo Nazi kids house; at least we thought he was a Nazi. When your testosterone is flowing, sometimes the thought is all you need. A bunch of us (Me, Tom, Sean S., Bert D, Pat?) set out in the wee hours of the morning in Tom's Corvair, armed with several flats of eggs and chips on our shoulders. When we drove by the kids house we were shocked to see him sitting on his front porch! We drove past, talked it over, and decided his sitting on the porch was "meant to be"! What we didn't expect was for Tom to hop the curb, drive across their lawn, and light him up with his high beams! Insanity ensued as we rained eggs on this kid! The kid retreated into his house (eggs following him inside) screaming for his dad, who came running out in his underwear! Tom, realizing it was time to bolt was grinding his gears trying to get his clutch into reverse! When he did we were practically "burning rubber" in reverse across their lawn (jacking up their grass I'm sure)! When we hit the street Tom pulled forward and started driving down the street, but went only fast enough to let the dad catch up a little, then Tom would drive forward a little more, let him catch up a tad, then drive forward, etc!
While this was happening Bert was chucking eggs at the dad, Sean was screaming "I can't believe this!" over and over, the rest of us were laughing hysterically! The next day we got a call from Tom, we'd been pinched by the cops! The dad had snagged his plate number. An officer called and told us we could clean it up and the parents wouldn't press charges. Tom showed up, we didn't (I can't believe I was that ballsy). I felt guilty for ditching Tom. He told us the parents even fed him!
* In the summer, sometimes we'd go for a walk late at night. If Tom was with us we'd always have to worry that he'd throw a rock or pine cone against a neighbors garage door! He'd say "What would you do if I was to throw this pine cone at that door"? We'd start running fast! KA-BOOM!! We'd hide in a hedge or behind a car! Hangin' with TC was crazy!!
* We did "Air Guitar" at McClane one year. We "performed" Depeche Mode's "People are People" (There's one I wish I could get back. Geeeez!). Tom was the lead singer, I was back up, Brian was Martin Gore, and an Asian kid named Gee played the other keyboard! Some kids cheered, others threw fruit cups at us! In hindsight, I'd throw a fruit cup at myself!
* We (Me, Tom, Pat, and Jason) had an "epic night" on the backside of the airport once. We then drove to Blackbeard's and Tom woke up the next morning with a girls phone number written on his arm, he was excited and called her! He found out later that she was 12 or 13!
* He took a trip back to Scotland once and I wanted to go desperately! I couldn't even come close to paying for something like that so I didn't even broach the subject. It's always been one of my regrets.
Tom, You've always been a solid friend! One of my best!! I have nothing but good memories of hanging out with you and I hope we can get together and reminisce someday soon!
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Saturday, April 18, 2009
The Wisdom of Joe Sobran
Teach Your Children Well
In my own experience as a father, I have discovered several simple devices that can illustrate to a child's mind the principles on which the modern state deals with its citizens. You may find them helpful, too.
For example, I used to play the simple card game WAR with my son. After a while, when he thoroughly understood that the higher ranking cards beat the lower ranking ones, I created a new game I called GOVERNMENT. In this game, I was Government, and I won every trick, regardless of who had the better card. My boy soon lost interest in my new game, but I like to think it taught him a valuable lesson for later in life.
When your child is a little older, you can teach him about our tax system in a way that is easy to grasp. Offer him, say, $10 to mow the lawn. When he has mowed it and asks to be paid, withhold $5 and explain that this is income tax. Give $1 to his younger brother, and tell him that this is "fair". Also, explain that you need the other $4 yourself to cover the administrative costs of dividing the money. When he cries, tell him he is being "selfish" and "greedy". Later in life he will thank you.
Make as many rules as possible. Leave the reasons for them obscure. Enforce them arbitrarily. Accuse your child of breaking rules you have never told him about. Keep him anxious that he may be violating commands you haven't yet issued. Instill in him the feeling that rules are utterly irrational. This will prepare him for living under democratic government.
When your child has matured sufficiently to understand how the judicial system works, set a bedtime for him and then send him to bed an hour early. When he tearfully accuses you of breaking the rules, explain that you made the rules and you can interpret them in any way that seems appropriate to you, according to changing conditions. This will prepare him for the Supreme Court's concept of the U.S. Constitution as a "living document".
Promise often to take him to the movies or the zoo, and then, at the appointed hour, recline in an easy chair with a newspaper and tell him you have changed your plans. When he screams, "But you promised!", explain to him that it was a campaign promise.
Every now and then, without warning, slap your child. Then explain that this is defense. Tell him that you must be vigilant at all times to stop any potential enemy before he gets big enough to hurt you. This, too, your child will appreciate, not right at that moment, maybe, but later in life.
At times your child will naturally express discontent with your methods. He may even give voice to a petulant wish that he lived with another family. To forestall and minimize this reaction, tell him how lucky he is to be with you the most loving and indulgent parent in the world, and recount lurid stories of the cruelties of other parents. This will make him loyal to you and, later, receptive to schoolroom claims that the America of the postmodern welfare state is still the best and freest country on Earth.
This brings me to the most important child-rearing technique of all: lying. Lie to your child constantly. Teach him that words mean nothing--or rather that the meanings of words are continually "evolving", and may be tomorrow the opposite of what they are today.
Some readers may object that this is a poor way to raise a child. A few may even call it child abuse. But that's the whole point: Child abuse is the best preparation for adult life under our form of GOVERNMENT.
In my own experience as a father, I have discovered several simple devices that can illustrate to a child's mind the principles on which the modern state deals with its citizens. You may find them helpful, too.
For example, I used to play the simple card game WAR with my son. After a while, when he thoroughly understood that the higher ranking cards beat the lower ranking ones, I created a new game I called GOVERNMENT. In this game, I was Government, and I won every trick, regardless of who had the better card. My boy soon lost interest in my new game, but I like to think it taught him a valuable lesson for later in life.
When your child is a little older, you can teach him about our tax system in a way that is easy to grasp. Offer him, say, $10 to mow the lawn. When he has mowed it and asks to be paid, withhold $5 and explain that this is income tax. Give $1 to his younger brother, and tell him that this is "fair". Also, explain that you need the other $4 yourself to cover the administrative costs of dividing the money. When he cries, tell him he is being "selfish" and "greedy". Later in life he will thank you.
Make as many rules as possible. Leave the reasons for them obscure. Enforce them arbitrarily. Accuse your child of breaking rules you have never told him about. Keep him anxious that he may be violating commands you haven't yet issued. Instill in him the feeling that rules are utterly irrational. This will prepare him for living under democratic government.
When your child has matured sufficiently to understand how the judicial system works, set a bedtime for him and then send him to bed an hour early. When he tearfully accuses you of breaking the rules, explain that you made the rules and you can interpret them in any way that seems appropriate to you, according to changing conditions. This will prepare him for the Supreme Court's concept of the U.S. Constitution as a "living document".
Promise often to take him to the movies or the zoo, and then, at the appointed hour, recline in an easy chair with a newspaper and tell him you have changed your plans. When he screams, "But you promised!", explain to him that it was a campaign promise.
Every now and then, without warning, slap your child. Then explain that this is defense. Tell him that you must be vigilant at all times to stop any potential enemy before he gets big enough to hurt you. This, too, your child will appreciate, not right at that moment, maybe, but later in life.
At times your child will naturally express discontent with your methods. He may even give voice to a petulant wish that he lived with another family. To forestall and minimize this reaction, tell him how lucky he is to be with you the most loving and indulgent parent in the world, and recount lurid stories of the cruelties of other parents. This will make him loyal to you and, later, receptive to schoolroom claims that the America of the postmodern welfare state is still the best and freest country on Earth.
This brings me to the most important child-rearing technique of all: lying. Lie to your child constantly. Teach him that words mean nothing--or rather that the meanings of words are continually "evolving", and may be tomorrow the opposite of what they are today.
Some readers may object that this is a poor way to raise a child. A few may even call it child abuse. But that's the whole point: Child abuse is the best preparation for adult life under our form of GOVERNMENT.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Hell of the North!
Tom Boonen avoided the carnage in the Arenberg Forest and basically brutalized his opponents to win his 3rd Paris- Roubaix in 5 years. He opened up a 15- 20 second gap with 13 kilometers to go and that was that. Never let a two time winner power up the road (easier said than done no doubt)! The Belgian flag should have a cobblestone right smack in the middle of it.
More Important Things...
Last Sunday was a great day! We went to Easter Mass at St. Joseph's, it was a beautiful service and really reminded me of what's ultimately important in life. God and family. God has truly blessed me in innumerable ways, far more than I deserve! I cannot possibly express how thankful I am for all that He has done for me. I'm even thankful for the trials. They've made me a spiritually stronger and more sympathetic person. There's a lot of disturbing things going on in our country and the world on many levels. Most, if not all of it angers and disgusts me. It's as if a fire hose of ignorance has been opened up by and on humanity. However, it's important to not lose sight of the of the many, many wonderful things that happen on a daily basis as well.
I just want to leave "the vineyard" in a little better shape for my posterity. The older I get, the more apparent my own mortality becomes I guess.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Belgian Bad Ass!!
Stijn (Stain) Devolder, and his posterity, will never have to pay for a beer in Belgium again after he won his second consecutive Tour of Flanders! With 261 km of racing in the wind and on some perversely steep cobbled hills, you must have an iron will, legs, and lungs to finish this race, let alone win it! What a perfect stud this guy is!
This week the "Monuments" continue with Ghent- Wevelgem and my personal favorite, Paris- Roubaix. I predict good rides from Fabian Cancellera, Heinrich Haussler, and Tom Boonen. Cobbles, cobbles, cobbles!!
I had a great ride yesterday. It was a beautiful 68 degrees, I did both hills on Old Gun Road and felt great! 44 miles in 2 1/2 hrs! Today it poured rain (urgh!), so I hit the gym after I did my office work. I'm really looking forward to the Capital to Capital Century next month. It's a beautiful ride from Richmond to Williamsburg and back. Last year I was recovering from a back injury, I finished just fine but was suffering a little towards the end. I'm in much better shape this year and want to finish strong.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Friend Dossier # 1- Brian Gooch
When I think back on some of the positive things about growing up in Fresno, several friends immediately come to mind. I'm amazed at how fast time passes and regret not keeping in touch with a guy who has been a family friend for many, many years. Good friends are hard to come by, and I'm thankful to have exchanged some funny memories with him in the last couple of days. That "conversation" sparked the memories listed below...
*Brian had the first Atari I ever set eyes on. My brother Patrick and I spent a lot of time at his house playing Pac- Man, Asteroids, Space Invaders, and who knows what else. Brian was a video game master!
*Brian's house was so close to the railroad tracks that it'd shake when the train roared by!
* Whilst in front of Brian's house, my dad once lit some sort of explosive (I think it was July 4th) and through it into the air; when it exploded the street lights flickered and went out! We hid in the house and watched a police car cruise by, looking for suspicious "activity"!
* Brian had a "Doughboy" pool and we used to swim at his house quite a bit. One time, Pat and Brian started playing around by slap fighting. After a few minutes, they were slapping the ever lovin' crap out of each other!
* Brian always had the ultimate tan! After a cold, foggy winter; all he had to do was think about the sun and "POW" he was four shades darker than I could ever hope to be! I was always envious.
* Not only was he tan, he was ripped! He probably still is...
* One time, he and Pat had a hot dog eating contest on the patio of the local Der Weinerschnitzel!
I don't remember the numbers (it was disturbing to behold), but I thought he was crazy to try and out eat Pat. I think one of them yacked up a lawn and leaf bag's worth of chile cheese dogs!
*Speaking of yacking, Brian bought a pretty sweet Team Fuji (blue and yellow I think) and would ride with us on occasion. One time he had to stop, and he yacked on somebody's front yard! I always wished he'd of kept riding. He had freakishly huge legs! It's a shame those bad boy's weren't put to good use.
* He and Pat once shot up his backyard fence with a pellet gun. His mom, not knowing her own son was the culprit, freaked out and called the police. Brian "played dumb" when the cops came by, denying knowledge of anything. He hid the pellet gun between his mattresses. Pat once shot a girl (with the same pellet gun) in the butt, sniper style, from Brian's bedroom window. I don't think they escaped that one.
* Brian toilet papered his own house at least once! WTH?
* He once got into a fight with some kid named Eddie. We we're at Mayfair elementary playing baseball. I don't remember how it started, or who came out on top.
*He had numerous jobs. Taco Bell, Long John Silvers (deep fryer burns), and Televideo. He was robbed at least twice at Televideo, one time he was left hogtied in the restroom! He bussed tables with me at Roger Rocka's Music Hall and I think he got me a bussing job at some no-name diner. It sucked, and I quit a couple of days later.
* He usually had impeccable taste in music, but for some unknown reason was hooked on the album/ song "Alice's Restaurant" by Arlo Guthrie, and several Kenny Roger's songs! He'd play them all the time; perhaps he was trying to get Pat and I to go home!
* His mother's funeral was the first Catholic service I ever attended. I felt terrible for him and wished I could say something profound to comfort him. That's a rough thing for a teenager to go through. Sometimes, life can be pretty serious.
I'm sure I'll have more memories "surface" as we reminisce. I certainly hope he has as good of an opinion of me, as I do of him. Three cheers for you buddy!
*Brian had the first Atari I ever set eyes on. My brother Patrick and I spent a lot of time at his house playing Pac- Man, Asteroids, Space Invaders, and who knows what else. Brian was a video game master!
*Brian's house was so close to the railroad tracks that it'd shake when the train roared by!
* Whilst in front of Brian's house, my dad once lit some sort of explosive (I think it was July 4th) and through it into the air; when it exploded the street lights flickered and went out! We hid in the house and watched a police car cruise by, looking for suspicious "activity"!
* Brian had a "Doughboy" pool and we used to swim at his house quite a bit. One time, Pat and Brian started playing around by slap fighting. After a few minutes, they were slapping the ever lovin' crap out of each other!
* Brian always had the ultimate tan! After a cold, foggy winter; all he had to do was think about the sun and "POW" he was four shades darker than I could ever hope to be! I was always envious.
* Not only was he tan, he was ripped! He probably still is...
* One time, he and Pat had a hot dog eating contest on the patio of the local Der Weinerschnitzel!
I don't remember the numbers (it was disturbing to behold), but I thought he was crazy to try and out eat Pat. I think one of them yacked up a lawn and leaf bag's worth of chile cheese dogs!
*Speaking of yacking, Brian bought a pretty sweet Team Fuji (blue and yellow I think) and would ride with us on occasion. One time he had to stop, and he yacked on somebody's front yard! I always wished he'd of kept riding. He had freakishly huge legs! It's a shame those bad boy's weren't put to good use.
* He and Pat once shot up his backyard fence with a pellet gun. His mom, not knowing her own son was the culprit, freaked out and called the police. Brian "played dumb" when the cops came by, denying knowledge of anything. He hid the pellet gun between his mattresses. Pat once shot a girl (with the same pellet gun) in the butt, sniper style, from Brian's bedroom window. I don't think they escaped that one.
* Brian toilet papered his own house at least once! WTH?
* He once got into a fight with some kid named Eddie. We we're at Mayfair elementary playing baseball. I don't remember how it started, or who came out on top.
*He had numerous jobs. Taco Bell, Long John Silvers (deep fryer burns), and Televideo. He was robbed at least twice at Televideo, one time he was left hogtied in the restroom! He bussed tables with me at Roger Rocka's Music Hall and I think he got me a bussing job at some no-name diner. It sucked, and I quit a couple of days later.
* He usually had impeccable taste in music, but for some unknown reason was hooked on the album/ song "Alice's Restaurant" by Arlo Guthrie, and several Kenny Roger's songs! He'd play them all the time; perhaps he was trying to get Pat and I to go home!
* His mother's funeral was the first Catholic service I ever attended. I felt terrible for him and wished I could say something profound to comfort him. That's a rough thing for a teenager to go through. Sometimes, life can be pretty serious.
I'm sure I'll have more memories "surface" as we reminisce. I certainly hope he has as good of an opinion of me, as I do of him. Three cheers for you buddy!
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