Friend Dossier #2- Tom Connolly

When the Connolly family moved from Edinburgh, Scotland to Fresno, Fresno immediately became a better place and Edinburgh has never recovered. I can honestly say that Tom Connolly made my early years tolerable and entertaining! There were numerous times when I was feeling down for a variety of reasons and just being around him was a breath of fresh air. To this day, I've never met a person with a better sense of humor or who cared about his friends more than Tom. I've always appreciated his honesty and sincerity. The following experiences always make me smile and laugh. In fact, I share them with others to this day...

* Tom's family was always very kind to me and I really enjoyed going to his house. His dad was one of the funniest people I've ever met. For example, one time his dad was driving us somewhere and saw a very fat woman waddling down the sidewalk. He said she "looked like 100 lbs of jello in a 50 lb bag"! I use that line to this day! He took us to the horse races a couple of times, I remember falling asleep on a bench. We were in the garage once and he asked me to hand him a "torch". I didn't know what he was talking about! Did he mean blow torch? Who uses a torch? He wanted a flashlight. He thought that was pretty funny! The first time I went to their house, his mom asked me if I wanted a "biscuit". I'd never been offered a biscuit but thought it sounded OK. She brought me a little plate of cookies. I thought that was pretty cool. His sisters, Ann & Louise were always nice as well. I can remember Tom yelling at Louise to shut up their dog, Sammy:)

* The family was hooked on Happy Days and Solid Gold. His dad used to call us into the TV room to check out the Solid Gold dancers. I thought that was hilarious! One time Tom and I were hanging out on our favorite "tanning spot", our thermo nuclear hot roof. We'd managed to get Toms current "dream girl, Kelly F., over to hang out with us. He was rubbing tanning lotion on her shoulders and had a smile a mile wide when he looked at his watch and said "DAMN, I've got to go! Happy Days is on!" He quickly hopped back into the house, threw his shirt on and left! Leaving Kelly confused and me laughing hysterically!

* Tom went through a stage where he had the hots for stoner chicks, or as he called them, "ZZ Top girls!"

* Tom loved to show me British newspapers with crazy pictures from soccer riots! I remember one pic of a girl with a lawn dart stuck in the side of her head! He told me the hooligans would chuck "missiles" i.e. broken beer bottles, lawn darts, etc at their rivals! Crazy!! I think the first day I met Tom (outside McClane's locker room if I remember right) he was wearing a soccer jersey and some snug pants that would've been styling in Edinburgh (but not Fresno).

* Tom always had a love of cars and scooters that apparently afflicts him to this day! We had many a good time tooling around in his Corvair! We'd go to "Dicks" for cheap hamburgers, or go "hang out" on the backside of the airport.

* Tom used to make really cool album covers for our imaginary band "The SKAT Team". SKAT was an acronym for something, I can't remember what though. It had a real "Rude Boy", "Ska" flavor to it. He'd make up some pretty funny song titles on the back. I remember one was "Cuba, a Romantic Country"!

* Tom went on a church sponsored "father/ son camp out" with us once. We rode up the mountain Smart family style, in the back of Dad's pick- up truck. We were hiking in the woods one afternoon and he got pissed when one of the Halverson kids threw a rock at him, so he started rifling rocks back as hard as he could. Brother Halverson complained to dad, who really didn't give a "you know what"! I remember dad felt good when Tom complimented his chili. Tom told jokes and made funny comments in the tent all night, that was one of the best camping trips I remember.

* If you looked up "Kraftwerk" in the encyclopedia you'd see a picture of Tom. Tom is a music FREAK and has pretty good taste. Variety is his middle name! Once flew on a plane with a very fat, sweaty "Buster Bloodvessel" from the Ska band Bad Manners, I was impressed by the story!

* We egged and TP'd many a house back in the day (I'm not proud) and only got caught once! We egged the hell out of some pseudo Nazi kids house; at least we thought he was a Nazi. When your testosterone is flowing, sometimes the thought is all you need. A bunch of us (Me, Tom, Sean S., Bert D, Pat?) set out in the wee hours of the morning in Tom's Corvair, armed with several flats of eggs and chips on our shoulders. When we drove by the kids house we were shocked to see him sitting on his front porch! We drove past, talked it over, and decided his sitting on the porch was "meant to be"! What we didn't expect was for Tom to hop the curb, drive across their lawn, and light him up with his high beams! Insanity ensued as we rained eggs on this kid! The kid retreated into his house (eggs following him inside) screaming for his dad, who came running out in his underwear! Tom, realizing it was time to bolt was grinding his gears trying to get his clutch into reverse! When he did we were practically "burning rubber" in reverse across their lawn (jacking up their grass I'm sure)! When we hit the street Tom pulled forward and started driving down the street, but went only fast enough to let the dad catch up a little, then Tom would drive forward a little more, let him catch up a tad, then drive forward, etc!
While this was happening Bert was chucking eggs at the dad, Sean was screaming "I can't believe this!" over and over, the rest of us were laughing hysterically! The next day we got a call from Tom, we'd been pinched by the cops! The dad had snagged his plate number. An officer called and told us we could clean it up and the parents wouldn't press charges. Tom showed up, we didn't (I can't believe I was that ballsy). I felt guilty for ditching Tom. He told us the parents even fed him!

* In the summer, sometimes we'd go for a walk late at night. If Tom was with us we'd always have to worry that he'd throw a rock or pine cone against a neighbors garage door! He'd say "What would you do if I was to throw this pine cone at that door"? We'd start running fast! KA-BOOM!! We'd hide in a hedge or behind a car! Hangin' with TC was crazy!!

* We did "Air Guitar" at McClane one year. We "performed" Depeche Mode's "People are People" (There's one I wish I could get back. Geeeez!). Tom was the lead singer, I was back up, Brian was Martin Gore, and an Asian kid named Gee played the other keyboard! Some kids cheered, others threw fruit cups at us! In hindsight, I'd throw a fruit cup at myself!

* We (Me, Tom, Pat, and Jason) had an "epic night" on the backside of the airport once. We then drove to Blackbeard's and Tom woke up the next morning with a girls phone number written on his arm, he was excited and called her! He found out later that she was 12 or 13!

* He took a trip back to Scotland once and I wanted to go desperately! I couldn't even come close to paying for something like that so I didn't even broach the subject. It's always been one of my regrets.

Tom, You've always been a solid friend! One of my best!! I have nothing but good memories of hanging out with you and I hope we can get together and reminisce someday soon!